Shopping for Clothes!

Hello,

You know, most women would be thrilled to have dropped 10 dress sizes, but I can’t say that’s been the fun part for me. I know, I’m weird, but having to go figure out what size I am every time I need to shop is a hassle. And now that I can’t shop in the plus size women’s shops I was familiar with anymore, I have to find new shops and styles and get used to new sizing. It’s daunting!

I can just hear you playing your tiny little violins for me: “Oh, poor thing! She has to shop for new clothes and try new shops. What a Terrible Problem to have!” Well, it’s more challenging than I expected, honestly. I’ve never been much of a shopper because I hated the styles available and honestly, I hated facing my size for most of my life. I just wanted to hide as much as I could. So, now, I’m getting happier with my shape, but I don’t know what looks good. I am totally uncomfortable with things that fit closely and show my shape. And I keep going for the shapeless, flowing stuff I’m familiar with.

If someone would just nominate me for What Not to Wear, I would be eternally grateful! I do watch that show when I can, and I see the rules and how they apply them. But it’s so different when one goes to the store alone to apply what they say. I look online and see questionnaires that start with what figure shape are you. I have no clue! Sure, I have my measurements and they look to me like I’m a block – the numbers don’t mean anything to me. I can’t look at the triangle, apple, and pear shapes and say, oh, that’s me. My body awareness is still, hopefully, coming online, but right now, it feels mysterious and confusing.

For example, I had no idea that I needed to go for petite sizing, especially for slacks and jeans. I’m almost 5’ 7”. I don’t consider that petite. But average jeans are too long and saggy. Who knew?

This is when stylish friends and helpful private shoppers are a godsend. Stacy and Clinton on What Not to Wear say not to wait until you reach your ideal weight, and I haven’t by any means because I’ve had to replace my wardrobe several times during this journey. (And I have donated the too-big stuff as a celebration and message that I’m not turning back.) Even so, since I’m still dropping, it’s hard to justify buying a lot yet.

This has been an unanticipated side effect of the journey – lots of new learning and adjusting to a new body image – coming to like my body and wanting to look nice but not knowing exactly how to do that. Honestly, dropping the weight has been easier for me than handling this new feeling of getting okay to be seen and even wanting to look nice. For some people, this could be the emotional trigger to fall back. I’m practicing being with the feelings and being kind to myself, and I must admit this is still scary. Who would have thought?

This is why so many people who lose weight really fast or have surgery aren’t able to sustain it. They didn’t have the time to adjust their self image. The new image is just too uncomfortable and even unsafe, so they revert back. When we make dramatic change, we must take our entire selves and self-perception into account and extend ourselves compassion to handle the discomfort until we can embrace our new self-image confidently. I’m still working on it . . . .

Warmly, Barbara